and the Lord hath taken away

.................the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. Job 1:21b

Yesterday the loss of the baby started. I thought I was prepared for this again; I knew it was coming. But I was still holding on to some hope that it could still work out. Seeing the evidence that the loss had begun threw me into reality. I had horrible contractions this morning. It did not hurt like this last time. I had to take something for the pain because it was so intense. I'm feeling a little better with the medicine but it's still quite painful. I'm hoping this doesn't go on for too long. 

I had a sobbing crying breakdown this morning. I want to understand what is going on with my body and why this keeps happening. I am going to continue on with my organic diet and weight loss quest, but am planning on putting forth a greater effort to eliminate all GMO's from my diet. I watched a documentary on the GMO foods and studies have been done on rats and mice and they have lost fertility after consuming GMO foods. I think I was able to finally conceive again because of the organic diet and health choices I have been making. 

Why am I blogging about this? Because I have spent a lot of time searching for and reading about other women's experiences with Tubal Reversal and trying to conceive afterward. I am often encouraged by others' experiences. I hope that somehow these posts may be helpful for a woman experiencing the same as me and she will feel like she is not alone. I also do hope to update someday soon with the delightful news that we have overcome the TR challenges and have a healthy baby on the way. 

I am planning on starting a diet aimed more toward fertility hormone healing also. I don't think it is just coincidences that all 3 losses happened at exactly 5 weeks and 6 days gestation. There is something either hormonal wrong with me or there is something effecting the health of my eggs. 

I have appreciated your prayers and the kind words I've received. I'm hoping my emotional recovery will be minimal this time around. I can't decide whether this is getting easier each time, or harder.