Wednesday, September 22, 2010

From Tubal Ligation to Reversal - My Journey to end the Nightmare

There are several message boards set up for Tubal Reversals. It's more common than one may think. I never even realized it was possible. When I was at the end of a very tiring and long 2nd twin pregnancy, permanent sterilization sounded like a dream. I would have even paid them to rip out all my insides and throw them away at that point.

 I'm sure most women who just gave birth, never ever want to do that again. That may be even more so for a 26 year old unmarried woman who just gave birth to her 2nd set of spontaneous twins. In fact the day I found out they were twins I asked to be put at the top of the tube tying list. The entire time I was pregnant I said, "I'm getting my tubes tied when this is over." I delivered via c-section and had the tubal done at that time. I remember them asking "are you sure?" an I answered with a very certain and happy "YES I'M VERY SURE". I figured that was that. I NEVER researched it. Not once. This is very unlike me.

The babies daddy and I were married 2 months later. Here we were the parents of 5 little girls. Life got back to normal. Over the last 4 1/2 years after the tubal, my life, nearly half of the time is a living hell. It's gotten worse as the years have gone on.

Every month I am overcome with some of the worst feelings of depression, anger and rage. It's almost impossible to control. I've damaged and lost several family and friend relationships because of not being able to control this horrible demon. I think unless you experience it, it's very difficult to understand. A few innocent people were subject to the horrible me, and actually stuck around and forgave me. God love them. My poor husband has received the brunt of it, and still continues to love me unconditionally. Thank God for him or I think I would have lost all hope.

Why are you telling us all of this? Because some of you have seen it. Lived through it. Stopped talking to me because of it. Or, simply need to be informed about it. PTLS or Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome, is what it is called. It's not just emotional. It also has caused extreme changes physically

The next few paragraphs may be sort of graphic, but not disgusting as I describe symptoms. Just be warned.

I never had bad cramping before the tubal, but since then I have to take heavy pain killers every month to get through the first 2/3 days of each cycle. Where a normal cycle would last 3 to 5 days, they now last 7 or more. They were light before, and extremely heavy after the tubal. Despite eating healthy and exercising, I can't lose weight. I was never heavy before. I am about 40 pounds heavier than I have ever  been in my life and it keeps going up, never down. My hair on my head falls out, and some even grows in strange places on my face. I have insomnia, chronic fatigue, anxiety and dizziness. My skin is horrible. It used to be very nice. There are other problems pertaining to married life, but for the sake of modesty I'm not going into those. If you are a concerned woman and really need to know, you can send me a private comment and I can talk to you. This is all very embarrassing to put out there, but I hope I can help at least one woman not make the same mistake as I have.

My marriage is wonderful most of the month, but once the hell part starts I feel sorry for my poor husband. Bless his wonderful heart, he still loves me. He a true example of "for better or worse".

I started to research my symptoms. I asked Dr.s and was told I was depressed, or I had something called PMDD. The solution, was drugs. Anti-depressants and birth control pills. I didn't want either of those. That's why I had my tubes tied in the first place because birth control pills didn't agree with me, and I couldn't bear to think that perhaps one of my eggs was being fertilized and then aborted each month.

A while ago, my children asked if we could start going to church. I found our wonderful church and the kids and I got saved and became Christans. We slowly have morphed into our new life and we love it. After this change, I had even more desire to fix this post tubal nightmare.

At some point I discovered PTLS, and diagnosed myself as having this. It had to be this. I just wasn't the same as I was before the tubal. I've always been a little dramatic, but never psychotic. I found message boards with other women suffering from the same symptoms since having a tubal done. When I told my husband about it, he thought I was nuts. I told him I wanted my tubal reversed and he laughed. It did start out as just talking, but after about a year of talking about it, he realized I was serious.

I prayed and asked God to work on his heart, and I asked God to show me what His will was regarding this operation through Adams decision. When Adam said, "If that's what you think you need to do, do it." I almost cried. I was and am sure the reversal will help me to be put back to normal. Almost instantly the money was provided and the trip was scheduled. I have read testimony upon testimony about women who had PTLS then a reversal and were relieved of the symptoms and returned to normal. My quality of life is so depressing since the tubal, that the reversal is worth trying.

Last week I had my reversal. While it's still too soon to know anything, I already feel "different" maybe better. I feel relaxed and calm. I am still in pain from the surgery and have several more weeks of recovery ahead of me. I know I'm not much of a writer, but this is going to be one of my topics as I go through this journey. Something that has encompassed my life like this has, should be made known to other women.

The "world" doesn't want women to have more than 2 children. They will talk you into tying your tubes after your 2nd child. Don't believe me? One of my close girlfriends, just delivered her 2nd child via c-section. They asked her to have her tubes tied while they performed her surgery. Her answer to them was, "No way, you guys ruined Kimmie." Tubals are very popular. It sounds awesome too, if you don't want more kids and don't want to worry about BC. It needs to have a huge BUYER BEWARE, sticker attached to it.  

When you alter your body to do something other than what God has created it to do, you run into problems. Of course there are women who don't run into problems like PTLS. But many of them end up with hysterectomy's years following their tubals. I know 3 such women and one of them is still in her 30's.

If you are in a similar boat and want to have a reversal, do it. Save the money and do it. Here is the wonderful Dr who did mine, Dr. Lisa Rogers at the Jackson Clinic.

Psalm 127:3 Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord; and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Surgery in Tennessee

After I had the little twins, 4 1/2 years ago I had a tubal ligation (tubes tied). It was a very hasty, un-researched decision. Since having this done, I have, what I feel is extreme PTLS. It took me a few years to figure out what was wrong with me. Many in the medical field do not think that PTLS is an actual problem. The treatment for it right now is antidepressants, birth control pills or a tubal reversal. The tubal reversal is not covered by insurance. PTLS is like living in a nightmare half of every month. It's one of the worst things you could imagine. I'm sure I've managed to ruin several relationships during the last 4 years because of this, and the extreme emotional psychosis it seems to cause.

About a year and a half ago I started to research the tubal reversal. I quickly learned in my state that it costs about $10,000 out of pocket for the procedure. There is no way I would ever be able to afford that. I have a friend who had a reversal done about 6-7 years ago. She told me about her Dr. and it sounded fabulous, the only thing is, I'd have to travel to Tennessee. After a little more research, I decided this was where I was going to go. I prayed a lot, since we didn't have the $6,000 or so I would need for this trip. The money was provided for me quite quickly. The power of prayer is amazing.

Last month I scheduled the appointment with Dr. Lisa Rogers at the Jackson Clinic. She took over for retired Dr. John Carlin who was a very successful Tubal Reversal Dr. The more I learned about her the more I knew this is where I was supposed to go. I was unable to find any other female Dr.s, or any others in this country who had such a low fee. She is the lowest in the entire country. She is a Christian pro-life Dr. and belongs to the American Association of Pro-Life Obstetricians and Gynecologists and the Baptist Medical and Dental Fellowship.

Last Monday 9/13 my mother and I flew to Nashville, TN, and then drove another 2 hours to Jackson, where the hospital was.

My mom, in the waiting room at the Dr's office

The hospital

Me 2 days after surgery, in the rocking chair. The pain meds made it hard to open my eyes. Everywhere you went there were wooden rocking chairs to sit in. It was so cute.

More rocking chairs

Being in Tennessee was like a trip to another world. Everyone was so friendly and hospitable. It was so clean there, and the roads were nice. It seemed like all the people were dressed nice, and we didn't see junky cars. It was a very happy place. It had that family feel to it. Truthfully, I didn't want to leave, and if I could, I would move there tomorrow. There were more churches than Starbucks. At the hospital there were Bibles and devotional books in the waiting room instead of gossip magazines.

I was even more impressed with the Dr.s when I heard them praying with their patients before surgery. My Dr. even made accommodations to have only females in the operating room with me. She came to my bed before the operation and held my hand and prayed with me. It was the most wonderful hospital experience I've ever had.

The surgery took about 2 hours and then I had to recover for an hour before they would let my mom come in. For those who are going to send nasty comments about "where was your husband". I preferred my mother to come with me. He wanted to go, but sometimes a girl just needs her mom. Anyway, they had a bit of trouble getting my pain under control after I woke up, it really really hurt. I was surprised it hurt so much. They do a 4 inch incision across the bottom of your abdomen. It's no walk in the park. I was able to go back to our hotel that night after the pain was controlled. We stayed in Jackson for 2 more days and then flew back home on Friday. I got wheel chair service at the airport, which was sorta neat. We got to board the plane first.

We saw this man and his dog on a Harley, they both had helmets. It was really funny.

It's been almost a week now and I'm still moving very slow. I still have to rest a lot. My older girls have been angles helping take care of the house and the younger girls during the day. My husband has been a saint cooking dinners and serving me meals in bed. I'm a little restless not being able to do much. I still have to take the pain meds so I can't drive anywhere. I'm hoping by next week I'll be able to be semi-normal. I wont be able to help us move since I can't lift anything. I guess I'll be the director. ha ha.

Beautiful Tennessee

I wish I would have felt better so I could have seen more in Tennessee. I would love to go back someday and see more.

Me with Dr. Rogers after surgery

Now my hope is that everything will go back to normal the way God made me. I hope my PTLS symptoms will disappear and I can become human again. Thanks for your prayers.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Sacramento Church Visit

This morning we got up a tad bit earlier and made the long drive out to Sacramento, CA to attend the very first church service at Verity Baptist Church with Pastor Roger Jimenez.  I attended Jr. High and High School with Pastor Jimenez's sister. She and I reconnected a couple of years ago. She, along with Pastor Jimenez's wife invited us to come out for their first service. It was a delightful service. The piano playing was amazing (GO MICHAL!), the hymns were lovely and the preaching was GREAT!

It really was a huge blessing to be able to go. It was so nice to meet Mrs. Jimenez in person. We've only typed messages to each other on blogs. She was such a fun and nice lady. They had a super yummy BBQ afterward and all of my girls had fun playing with the other children. I was also excited to have been able to meet some of the members from Pastor Anderson's church, Faithful Word Baptist Church. I live much too far away to attend Verity Baptist regularly but I can't wait to go back to visit again.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Children and Tattling

I read this blog article today and wanted to share. It is full of "meat" on training your children regarding talebearing and gossip. In our house there are plenty of little ones who seem to enjoy calling another out. When I was a child one of my siblings was a natural born tattler. Nothing creates more damage to a sibling relationship than talebearing. I still hold some irritation in my heart about being told on for every single thing I did wrong, while this other sibling seemed to show the attitude of perfectionism.

I struggle with ceasing strife among my children. I want them to be close and best friends and do not want them to be looking for another to slip so they can tell about it. That's evil and prideful.

Here is a snippet of the article with the link to finish.

Sin Grown Up

“Mommy! Grace got a cookie!” My three-year-old, Emma, announced with chubby arms crossed and indignant lips pursed. “It was really big. You want me to go get her for you?”

Fighting the urge to be amused, I scooped Emma up and headed for the bathroom mirror. There I showed my sweet little tattle-tale her own reflection and the chocolate liberally smeared across her guilty face.

Emma’s eyes widened as she saw her sin exposed. She immediately burst into tears and cried, “Oh Mommy, Grace didn’t mean to do it!” Suddenly, my young daughter was very concerned over how much mercy her sister would receive for her transgression! It’s funny how merciful we become when we realize our own sinfulness and how deserving we are of the same punishment we’ve been hoping for someone else!

Unknown to Emma, Grace had permission to eat the cookie. Emma did not have all the facts. If she would have confronted Grace first, she would have discovered the truth and avoided falling into her own trap. Also, the cookie was not “really big” it was the same size as the others. As is typical with a tattler, Emma was exaggerating, wanting the sin to appear bigger than it actually was.

Our children are given to us to train up in the way they should go. As parents, we must remember that our day to day family life is training ground (practice) for the future. God willing, our children will one day function in their own families, workplaces, and churches. Left unchecked, the sins we see in them today, will be the sins we see in them as adults—only the sins, along with our children, will have “grown up.”

The child who is allowed to enjoy tattling now, will one day be the adult who has developed a habit and taste for gossip—both by spreading it himself and by allowing the “tasty morsels” to enter his own ears—and soul. (Proverbs 11:9, 18:8)

The heart of gossip

We can help our children to examine their hidden motives for tattling. There is always a motive behind sin and it almost always boils down to some form of pride.

Envy: There may be an element of envy involved and the fact that the “sinner” has apparently been caught gives the tattler some sort of bitter satisfaction. One who spreads or listens to gossip is taking sinful delight in the transgressions of another. Many times it may even appear irrelevant whether or not the morsel of gossip is true or proven. Somehow, it makes us feel better about ourselves to learn that someone else slipped up; and the gossip can seem especially delicious if we are secretly envious of that person.

A child who rarely violates the rules may be a “great catch” to those children who seem to always get caught in sin themselves. Children must be taught early that it is wicked to delight in the sins of others and to spread potentially slanderous information; they must remember they will someday give account for every idle word. (Matthew 12:36)

Click to read the rest of the article at Raising Homemakers.

Thursday, September 2, 2010


This is fun and a pain at the same time. It's fun looking at houses (some of them anyway). We have to move in about 4 weeks. I'm scheduled to have surgery in the middle of this. I'm trying to have our new place found and the majority of our old house packed before surgery. I don't know how long the recovery will take so I don't want to chance not being ready.

I'm taking the responsibility of packing and finding of the new house. Adam has been working SO much. We hardly even see him anymore. Our original plans went south so now we're onto plan B. I know God has something for us. I'm just not sure what we've seen is "it" yet. The kids all love going to look at empty houses and trying to pick which room would be theirs and where they would put their stuff. This does come with some disappointment when we have to tell them that we can't move there.

We are excited to be able to move to a larger home, but the town we're moving to is further from church. I don't like that so much. I'm praying that we will be able to find something in our town so we're not so far away. The new town will also be further from Adam's family but closer to my mom. I guess it's a 6 of 1 half a dozen of another.

I try to be as organized a packer as possible, this time I have a much better system. I'll post a separate post on my moving system after we've moved so I know exactly how it all worked out.

Please keep us in your prayers. We are losing a dear family member to age. It will be any day now. We will miss her a lot. I'm also asking for prayer for my upcoming plane flight and surgery. I'm nervous about both. Thank you so much.
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