Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Weight loss progression photos

I don't notice it too much myself, but I can definitely see it in the pictures.

180 pounds
163 pounds

Sunday, September 23, 2012

and the Lord hath taken away

.................the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. Job 1:21b

Yesterday the loss of the baby started. I thought I was prepared for this again; I knew it was coming. But I was still holding on to some hope that it could still work out. Seeing the evidence that the loss had begun threw me into reality. I had horrible contractions this morning. It did not hurt like this last time. I had to take something for the pain because it was so intense. I'm feeling a little better with the medicine but it's still quite painful. I'm hoping this doesn't go on for too long. 

I had a sobbing crying breakdown this morning. I want to understand what is going on with my body and why this keeps happening. I am going to continue on with my organic diet and weight loss quest, but am planning on putting forth a greater effort to eliminate all GMO's from my diet. I watched a documentary on the GMO foods and studies have been done on rats and mice and they have lost fertility after consuming GMO foods. I think I was able to finally conceive again because of the organic diet and health choices I have been making. 

Why am I blogging about this? Because I have spent a lot of time searching for and reading about other women's experiences with Tubal Reversal and trying to conceive afterward. I am often encouraged by others' experiences. I hope that somehow these posts may be helpful for a woman experiencing the same as me and she will feel like she is not alone. I also do hope to update someday soon with the delightful news that we have overcome the TR challenges and have a healthy baby on the way. 

I am planning on starting a diet aimed more toward fertility hormone healing also. I don't think it is just coincidences that all 3 losses happened at exactly 5 weeks and 6 days gestation. There is something either hormonal wrong with me or there is something effecting the health of my eggs. 

I have appreciated your prayers and the kind words I've received. I'm hoping my emotional recovery will be minimal this time around. I can't decide whether this is getting easier each time, or harder. 

Monday, September 17, 2012


Update from yesterdays post found here.

My Dr called a little while ago with the result of my blood tests today. My beta numbers went from 139 on Thursday to only 186 today. They are supposed to double every 48-72 hours, but mine are doubling at a rate of every 9.51 days.

The Dr is going to keep up with 48 hour blood draws because she's worried about ectopic pregnancy again.

For now, I continue to wait until the pregnancy miscarries.

I appreciate the prayers, and hopefully next time will have a better outcome.


Saturday, September 15, 2012

The Frustrating Side of Tubal Reversals

Two years ago today, September 15th 2010, I had my tubal ligation reversed. It has been a very long two years with no babies yet to show for this surgery. I really had naive expectations that I would just become pregnant and that would be that. However, this is just not so. In December 2010, just 3 months after the surgery, I conceived, our due date was set for September 15, 2011, wasn't that just perfect! We were very surprised to be expecting as we had not really been trying. That pregnancy ended as an ectopic pregnancy a few weeks later. This absolutely shattered me. That loss still hurts me and I assume it always will.

It took us 7 more months to become pregnant again. August 28, 2011 we found out and were a little nervous be excited, too. Sadly on September 15, 2011 (see a pattern here?) I miscarried. This was just as devastating. I went into a depression with an obsession to become pregnant again, I put on 30 pounds in the process. It used to be so easy for me to have babies, I can't believe it is now so hard.

I blogged a few months ago about having a procedure done to check the status of my tubes. One appeared to be fine and the other appeared blocked. In May, a month after this procedure, I had several positive pregnancy tests but then began bleeding shortly after that. I didn't even have enough time to inform my Dr.

I gave up trying and obsessing and started changing my eating and exercise habits. I had resolved myself to the fact that another child is just not in God's plan for us. For the last 3 months I have focused on my health and weight. My journey to lose 50 pounds was interrupted last Sunday when I discovered I am pregnant yet again. Adam and I were thrilled, surely this one has to work out. Perhaps my depression and obsession was preventing me from becoming pregnant.

I went in to the lab on Wednesday to have blood drawn to check my progesterone and hcg beta. The beta came back great 124 for 4w2d, but they didn't test the progesterone like they were supposed to, this is what I was more concerned with. Low progesterone can be the cause of early pregnancy loss. I went back on Thursday for the progesterone draw and they checked the hcg again. It didn't increase very much, only to 139. My heart is shattered again, it should be increasing more than that. My progesterone was at a scary 7.9, it should be closer to 20. All signs point to losing this pregnancy, too. I'll be 5 weeks along on Monday, and am now on progesterone supplements twice a day. I don't know if this will save my baby or not, but my faith is hopeful. I am trusting God that he knows what he is doing. It's hard still, I just want my baby. This is hard on me and Adam as well. The kids are upset and I'm sure the few family members we've told are sad as well.

I have tubal reversal friends who have had babies with no problems, others who are similar to me - with several unexplained losses and then ones who haven't been able to conceive at all. I'm desperate for your prayers, that God would allow us to keep this sweet child.

I have another blood draw on Monday. I'm praying for a miracle.

I haven't told a lot of my family (just parents) and I'm not sure if any of them ever read my blog. I hated having to call everyone before to tell them we lost our first baby, I can't do that again.

If you're a family member, and read this, please don't take it personal that we haven't told you. We are trying save ourselves form all of the, "I'm Sorry-ies" It's hard to hear. I'm writing here because I need some outlet. This waiting is enough to drive anyone crazy. I just want to be able to see a little heartbeat on the ultrasound. That would make me so happy.

Update to follow after my tests on Monday.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Another one bites the dust

Another pound that is. No sooner did I update about my plateau did I check my scale and see I've hit the 15 pound mark. DID YOU READ THAT??? I've never lost 15 pounds before in my life, except for the days I gave birth. This is EXCITING!!!!!!

Okay, I'll calm down, sorry for the extreme punctuation.

I have a feeling the increased exercise has helped me get past these discouraging last 3 weeks of no loss. Hopefully we are back on track.

My stats:

MY GOAL: 130 pounds

July 1: 180 pounds. 

August 1: 169 pounds 11 POUNDS LOST! yeah!

September 1: 166 pounds 14 POUNDS LOST!

September 5: 165 15 POUNDS LOST!

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Weight Loss Progress

I'm still truckin' along but for the last 3 weeks I've been stuck at the same weight. I've been sticking to my 1200 calories for the most part, but I think the plateau is due to not enough exercise. I've upped my treadmill time to walking/running 1 mile as quickly as possible regardless of how long it takes. Whew! That is a bit of work.

I regret to inform that I don't have an updated photo, yet. It's coming, eventually. 

For now the status is: 

My stats:

MY GOAL: 130 pounds

July 1: 180 pounds. 

August 1: 169 pounds 11 POUNDS LOST! yeah!

September 1: 166 pounds 14 POUNDS LOST!
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