Wednesday, September 22, 2010

From Tubal Ligation to Reversal - My Journey to end the Nightmare

There are several message boards set up for Tubal Reversals. It's more common than one may think. I never even realized it was possible. When I was at the end of a very tiring and long 2nd twin pregnancy, permanent sterilization sounded like a dream. I would have even paid them to rip out all my insides and throw them away at that point.

 I'm sure most women who just gave birth, never ever want to do that again. That may be even more so for a 26 year old unmarried woman who just gave birth to her 2nd set of spontaneous twins. In fact the day I found out they were twins I asked to be put at the top of the tube tying list. The entire time I was pregnant I said, "I'm getting my tubes tied when this is over." I delivered via c-section and had the tubal done at that time. I remember them asking "are you sure?" an I answered with a very certain and happy "YES I'M VERY SURE". I figured that was that. I NEVER researched it. Not once. This is very unlike me.

The babies daddy and I were married 2 months later. Here we were the parents of 5 little girls. Life got back to normal. Over the last 4 1/2 years after the tubal, my life, nearly half of the time is a living hell. It's gotten worse as the years have gone on.

Every month I am overcome with some of the worst feelings of depression, anger and rage. It's almost impossible to control. I've damaged and lost several family and friend relationships because of not being able to control this horrible demon. I think unless you experience it, it's very difficult to understand. A few innocent people were subject to the horrible me, and actually stuck around and forgave me. God love them. My poor husband has received the brunt of it, and still continues to love me unconditionally. Thank God for him or I think I would have lost all hope.

Why are you telling us all of this? Because some of you have seen it. Lived through it. Stopped talking to me because of it. Or, simply need to be informed about it. PTLS or Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome, is what it is called. It's not just emotional. It also has caused extreme changes physically

The next few paragraphs may be sort of graphic, but not disgusting as I describe symptoms. Just be warned.

I never had bad cramping before the tubal, but since then I have to take heavy pain killers every month to get through the first 2/3 days of each cycle. Where a normal cycle would last 3 to 5 days, they now last 7 or more. They were light before, and extremely heavy after the tubal. Despite eating healthy and exercising, I can't lose weight. I was never heavy before. I am about 40 pounds heavier than I have ever  been in my life and it keeps going up, never down. My hair on my head falls out, and some even grows in strange places on my face. I have insomnia, chronic fatigue, anxiety and dizziness. My skin is horrible. It used to be very nice. There are other problems pertaining to married life, but for the sake of modesty I'm not going into those. If you are a concerned woman and really need to know, you can send me a private comment and I can talk to you. This is all very embarrassing to put out there, but I hope I can help at least one woman not make the same mistake as I have.

My marriage is wonderful most of the month, but once the hell part starts I feel sorry for my poor husband. Bless his wonderful heart, he still loves me. He a true example of "for better or worse".

I started to research my symptoms. I asked Dr.s and was told I was depressed, or I had something called PMDD. The solution, was drugs. Anti-depressants and birth control pills. I didn't want either of those. That's why I had my tubes tied in the first place because birth control pills didn't agree with me, and I couldn't bear to think that perhaps one of my eggs was being fertilized and then aborted each month.

A while ago, my children asked if we could start going to church. I found our wonderful church and the kids and I got saved and became Christans. We slowly have morphed into our new life and we love it. After this change, I had even more desire to fix this post tubal nightmare.

At some point I discovered PTLS, and diagnosed myself as having this. It had to be this. I just wasn't the same as I was before the tubal. I've always been a little dramatic, but never psychotic. I found message boards with other women suffering from the same symptoms since having a tubal done. When I told my husband about it, he thought I was nuts. I told him I wanted my tubal reversed and he laughed. It did start out as just talking, but after about a year of talking about it, he realized I was serious.

I prayed and asked God to work on his heart, and I asked God to show me what His will was regarding this operation through Adams decision. When Adam said, "If that's what you think you need to do, do it." I almost cried. I was and am sure the reversal will help me to be put back to normal. Almost instantly the money was provided and the trip was scheduled. I have read testimony upon testimony about women who had PTLS then a reversal and were relieved of the symptoms and returned to normal. My quality of life is so depressing since the tubal, that the reversal is worth trying.

Last week I had my reversal. While it's still too soon to know anything, I already feel "different" maybe better. I feel relaxed and calm. I am still in pain from the surgery and have several more weeks of recovery ahead of me. I know I'm not much of a writer, but this is going to be one of my topics as I go through this journey. Something that has encompassed my life like this has, should be made known to other women.

The "world" doesn't want women to have more than 2 children. They will talk you into tying your tubes after your 2nd child. Don't believe me? One of my close girlfriends, just delivered her 2nd child via c-section. They asked her to have her tubes tied while they performed her surgery. Her answer to them was, "No way, you guys ruined Kimmie." Tubals are very popular. It sounds awesome too, if you don't want more kids and don't want to worry about BC. It needs to have a huge BUYER BEWARE, sticker attached to it.  

When you alter your body to do something other than what God has created it to do, you run into problems. Of course there are women who don't run into problems like PTLS. But many of them end up with hysterectomy's years following their tubals. I know 3 such women and one of them is still in her 30's.

If you are in a similar boat and want to have a reversal, do it. Save the money and do it. Here is the wonderful Dr who did mine, Dr. Lisa Rogers at the Jackson Clinic.

Psalm 127:3 Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord; and the fruit of the womb is his reward.


Mae R said...

Kimmie, I dont even know what to say. I really had no idea what a tubal could do to you. With all the other problems I have faced as far as my hormones, and mentruation go, the last thing I would need is a chance at another thing to screw up my system. I am very sorry you had to go through this, and yes, Adam should be nominated for Sainthood. I know what my other half has gone through with me as far as my situation last year, and he stands with Adam. Fortunately for me, they are pretty dead set that after I am done having children, they are going to do a hysterectomy. They wanted to do it last year. I have heard that even a hysterectomy can be horrible. I hope this truly fixes everything and that you can get back on track. You have definitely earned it. Praying for you and your complete recovery. HUGS!!!

Anonymous said...

I feel for you and pray this works for you.

I have PMDD and I suffer like no one knows every. single. month. I bleed so bad some months I wonder if I should be at the hospital. The pain is often unbearable and I eat Advil like skittles. My hair falls out, my skin is wretched and my attitude is such that I don't even want to be around me, seriously.

I have some fibroids on my uterus and was offered and partial hysterectomy last winter but ultimately turned it down because among other things I just didn't think it is was what God wants me to do right now for whatever reasons. I later read that even a hysterectomy won't cure the mental anguish I go through every month and I have known women that have had the procedure and still suffer to various degrees.

I am in my 40's now so I hope to have some relief naturally sometime in the near future. I did have a baby at 40 and that did nothing to relieve my physical and mental pain. Although I must say having a baby in the house has been a blessing beyond my belief.

Anyway I wish you well and hope this works for you.

Taryn said...

Thank you for this post. I have a daughter with Type 1 diabetes(20)(since 5) and a baby daughter(7 months) that I will have read this. Full disclosure- we had 6 children. We have Nancy Campbell's book- Be Fruitful and Multiply- where she talks about these things. We also have A Full Quiver by Rick and Jan Hess- they address these issues.

momato5sofar said...

Congrats on your reversal! I am pregnant with my 2nd reversal baby, less than 4 months after having my 1st reversal baby and believe it or not, this will be my 6th c section. Dr.Rogers also did my reversal on Dec.31,2008. We loved her and are so glad we found her. Im going to follow your blog and keep up with your story :-) May God bless you and your family.



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