Being Real

Hi, I don't know most of you but welcome to this rare view into my heart.

The last several months have been trying. While still mourning the loss of the baby we will never know, I have to go on everyday just the same. Talking about it seems silly when people consider it a mass of cells, no better than a chicken. For only a few short weeks we were in love with that baby whose heart would never beat. That child was a combination of mine and my husbands love, not a blob of tissue. I think I get lower with each passing month that yields a negative test; I want my baby back! I need to trust God more. 

Often times, I feel alone in the world. I'm surrounded by opposition at every turn. It seems my husband and children are the only ones who are safe. I am regularly feeling invisible, the odd man out. I know people don't like me, including some of my own family. My husband says, "why do you care? We love you". I shouldn't let it bother me, but who enjoys not being liked? It would be so much easier to "fit in".I know this will never happen. I have chosen a life that just doesn't fit in.

I'm solely a woman trying to make the best of what I have; to be able to express my love, beliefs and convictions and raise my girls into, good, honest, loving, caring and godly young women. I feel at times I'm thought of as unloving, uncaring, hateful. It would be nice if everyone saw what my husband and children see. Am I a bit rough around the edges? Perhaps. However, I LOVE my family and my friends, and would do anything for them. I would lay down my own life for my husband and my children. My loyalty is steadfast. 


Still, I feel attacked on every angle these last few months. Most recently an individual has found it amusing to semi-anonymously mock me and then lie about it and cause my integrity to be questionable in front of my own family. This makes my heart break. I'm not a dishonest person. I'm not a crazy person. I have never done anything malicious to this person. I have feelings. I'm a person too. I have found that those who preach words like equality and tolerance are not proponents of either one entirely. Rather, they only want others to be tolerant of what they believe to be true and right. Causing strife, and attempting to defame someone to their own family, is plain callous.


Recently I've found it comforting to stay up late and read my Bible and cry by myself. I really need to pull out of this rut. I should stop feeling sorry for myself. It's stupid. What kind of sappy, inadequate woman am I? Christ suffered so much, more than I ever will,and here Iam being a weak, lame, baby. 


Most days are wonderful. I hope and pray that I can get past this hard part in my life. I hope those who feel the need to poke fun at me will go away. My words don't always come out the way they were supposed to; this can lead to not seeming very smart. I'm pretty sure I've always been above average. I always got put in those smart classes. *sheepish grin* I can still try to be funny can't I?

Thanks for reading my ridiculous post. I have to be up in 2 hours to fix my husband's lunch and coffee. Good night. And if it's not too much to ask, please say a prayer for me. I really need one.

Was it worth it?

10 years. Trillions of dollars. Hundreds of thousands of lives. 2 illegal wars. All for the life of one man?

On Lying

These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:

A proud look, 

a lying tongue, 

and hands that shed innocent blood,

An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, 

feet that be swift in running to mischief, 

A false witness that speaketh lies, 

and he that soweth discord among brethren. 

Proverbs 6:16-19

Don't tell a lie, is probably one of the very first, notably important lessons we learn as a child. It's not too far fetched to suggest lying is ingrained in our sin nature. Humans will generally default to a lie when feeling vulnerable. It surely is the go to choice for children when the judgement of their character is at hand. Under pressure, it may seem like the best defense against protecting your reputation. We have all done it at one time or another. What has your lying cost you?


What good has ever come from telling a lie? 


Lying lips are abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly are his delight. Proverbs 12:22


I'm not writing here to condemn you for lying, I have lied myself. The Bible states we should judge righteously. I'm not judging your lying, rather pointing out just what lies can do. I've been on both the giving and receiving end of lies; it's not a pleasant experience either way.

God wanted to make such a point about lying that he included it as one of his 10 Commandments. Commandment #9 Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour" Exodus 20:16

Lies can swiftly become arduous, spiraling out of control, requiring you to recall the exact tale you told. The lie paves the pathway to more and more lies sending you striving to cover up or explain the lie(s) already told. In turn the story has to become more detailed and elaborate to escape being found out. Lying causes fear, anxiety, and stress.

Lying creates crippling wedges and ruins relationships.  It has been responsible for destroying marriages and business partnerships. It is a prevalent characteristic in narcissistic and sociopathic personality disorders. The betrayal perceived from lies have caused people to commit heinous acts like physical abuse and murder.

Do you realize what the lie potentially does to your integrity? A man/woman is not worth much without their integrity. I remember my father always saying "Your word is your bond". Trust can be lost forever. The truth you speak (or lack thereof) is manifest in the quality of your character. "A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh." Luke 6:45

I believe that as humans, we all desire to find truth and we expect truth. In our conversations with others, we assume the truth is conveyed. When we purchase products we demand they be presented in truth. When we trust a person of a certain profession we expect that they profess truth in their conclusion.

Truth is like the light, and lies like darkness. Light can't exist in darkness. It is always best to tell the truth, lest someone find you to be liar. Confessing a lie before you are found out will gain much more respect than having to be proven a liar.


And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. John 8:32




But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death. Proverbs 21:8

Musings

It's been busy around here. We are wrapping up our school year and getting ready for our crazy summer to begin.  7 of our friends had babies last year, so we are up to our ears in 1st birthday parties,  youth conference, kids' sports, swim lessons,  and a couple of camping trips. Our Anniversary this year falls on the same weekend that my husband's brother is graduating from college, so we probably won't be doing anything special.

I'm looking forward to the break from school, so we can relax a bit. Next year is going to be a lot busier. Emily and Julia will be starting Kindergarten, and I'll be teaching arts and crafts classes, working on the community service and skit committees for our 4H group. I'm incredibly excited about being  a project leader in 4H next year. Kiley and August are getting all of their entries ready for the county fair this year. Last year KIley won the Judges Favorite for her bird painting. They have a chance to win better awards if they enter more items.

Emily and Julia are such smart little cookies. I don't think Kindergarten will be a problem for them. They have already grasped math concepts and can add really well. They seem to "get" math, but not letters so much. I'm just going to take the reading a little slower. They are looking forward to being able to read on their own.

Kiley and August are going to be entering their last year of middle school. They are doing pre-algebra and US history. If any of you mommies have any US history curriculum that is less secular based, I'd be happy to receive comments on what would be good. We will be going from the Revolution through WWI. Science is going to include  a lot of hands on experiments. This should be fun. And they will be continuing in their violin lessons along with teaching their younger sisters how to play, and getting paid for it. I'm also planning on having them teach me the proper use of commas, since I am obviously comma impaired. However, thanks for continuing to read anyway.

I had my share of interesting blog comments this week. It's funny that my blog view numbers go up daily, but people only comment on abortion posts or posts about reprobate weirdos. *shrugging shoulders*

I have a couple of comments that I need to approve, but I'd actually like to reply to them, so hopefully I'll get to that tomorrow.

I need to finish making my Mother's Day gifts for this year; I hand made cards too. I've never made cards before. They turned out cute. I'll post pictures of the creations after the fact. I'm excited about Mother's Day this year. I'm spending it with only my hubby and kids. We rarely get outside time for just us as a family, and since our anniversary is booked, this will be like the make up for that.

Kiley and August had their second cake decorating class and they are doing quite well. The cakes are yummy but never good when you're trying to lose some poundage.

I have more to write about, but I'm tired. Aha, this will keep you in suspense, and you will have to return to find out what else happened. *grin*

Betcha didn't know I could be funny. Good night and God bless you.

A Point Well Made

I received this twice in emails from my husbands mother and aunt and thought I'd share. 

I think this just may be the best pro-life message I've seen.   

A Point well made!!!

A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said: 
'Doctor, I have a serious problem and desperately need your help! My baby is not even 1 year old and I'm pregnant again. I don't want kids so close together.  

So the doctor said: 'Ok and what do you want me to do?' 
She said: 'I want you to end my pregnancy, and I'm counting on your help with this.' 
The doctor thought for a little, and after some silence he said to the lady: 'I think I have a better solution for your problem. It's less dangerous for you too.' 
 She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request.  
Then he continued: 'You see, in order for you not to have to take care 2 babies at the same time, let's kill the one in your arms. This way, you could rest some before the other one is born. If we're going to kill one of them, it doesn't matter which one it is. There would be no risk for your body if you chose the one in your arms.
  The lady was horrified and said: 'No doctor! How terrible! It's a crime to kill a child! 
'I agree', the doctor replied.  'But you seemed to be OK with it, so I thought maybe that was the best solution.'
The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point.  
He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that's already been born and one that's still in the womb.
The crime  is the same!

If you agree, please forward.  Together we can help save precious lives! 
Learn from Yesterday,  live for Today, hope for Tomorrow..   "Love says I sacrifice myself for the good of the other person. Abortion says I sacrifice the other person for the good of myself..."

Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his REWARD. Psalm 127.3