Our Loss: Ectopic Pregnancy

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Philippians 4:13

On January 18th around 9:30 pm I began to have very bad cramping. It was painfully intense and it made it very hard to talk or walk. The pain then subsided and I layed down for a while. After about a half hour it started coming in waves of painful then not, and painful again. I woke Adam up around 10:30pm and told him what was going on and I didn't think this was right. Soon after waking him up I felt better and we started to fall asleep again. Within minutes I had severe pain in my left lower side that went all the way around to my back. It was so painful it caused me to get sick. Adam called my mom to come over and stay with the girls so we could go to the emergency room. 

At the ER we were sent quickly to triage, but by then my pain was gone. They took us immediately back to ultrasound. Adam watched the screen as the woman worked. He asked her what she was looking at, and was told that is the uterus. It was empty. She looked around some more and saw the small mass in my left tube. She said that's not supposed to be there and usually you can't even see the tube in an ultrasound. Immediate heartbreak and mourning set in, I am going to lose this child. The ultrasound techs are usually not allowed to tell you anything, but she was very sweet and Adam asked her specifically if that was the baby in my tube and she told him it most likely was. We didn't see a heartbeat and there should have been one.  

I was then moved to a different room and seen by several Dr's and nurses who all needed blood from me.  My blood draw levels were about the rate for a 4 week pregnancy and my beta count was only about 1/3rd of what they should have been for a normal 6 week pregnancy. Adam and I sat there quietly on the hospital bed holding each other with tears in both of our eyes. Seeing him so hurt made me want to try and hold it together as best I could. An ectopic pregnancy was more or less confirmed by all of the factors presented to us.

 We were told this is a life threatening thing. The outcome will be death for the baby no matter what. It is impossible for it to survive in the tube. If the pregnancy were to continue the baby would rupture my tube and I could die within hours of that happening. There is absolutely nothing we could do to save our baby. This is a helpless and unimaginable feeling. Mothers are supposed to protect their children from harm. If there was any other choice available,  I would have have gladly taken that choice.  Adam continued to sit close to me and we just talked about things. We discussed our options even though we knew we had to make the choice that we didn't want to make. This was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

There only two things to do for this type of pregnancy one is surgery on the tube to remove the pregnancy and possibly the tube too, and two is receiving a shot of a type of chemotherapy drug (Methotrexate) which stops the rapid division of cells and disolves the pregnancy. Because I was within the 6 week pregnancy time, my beta count was very low and my baby didn't have a heartbeat, I was a candidate for the shot. We read over the papers and blood results over and over again to be sure we were making the right decision. We talked with the on call OB for a long time. He was very knowledgeable and easy to talk to. (I do not usually see male OB's but when you are in the ER, you get what they have.) I was really scared about making the wrong decision. We were not pressured at all in any direction. We were given facts and told what our options were. We felt very confident with their medical opinions. Adam even asked the Dr what he would do if it were his wife in the exact same position with the same factors. I prayed a lot that God would lead us to make the right decision. Adam was more in control and rational than I was so I trusted his decision on what was best. This was his child too, but it also is his wife, and I don't think there is anyone who loves me more or would protect me like he would.

I've been doing a bit of research on ectopic pregnancies and have found some discussion forums with women who have gone through them. I was very fortunate to have them discover mine. A majority of women experience a ruptured tube and have to have life saving emergency surgery. I also read that discovering a tubal on an ultrasound like mine, at 6 weeks is rare. It appears that the pain I experienced that led me to the ER had nothing to do with the ectopic pregnancy. I have no idea what it was but that type of pain should have indicated a ruptured tube and mine was still intact. Through this experience, my faith in God has increased seeing his protection over my life. My love and respect for my husband has also increased. He is a wonderful man. Even though he is hurting, he is strong for me and takes such good care of me. He is a true man. I feel a closeness to him that we didn't have before.

I pray that after this is over that we will be able to go on and have another child. I don't think we realized how much we wanted this child until we couldn't have it. I know that when we get to heaven there will be a sweet child there to greet us. I am looking forward to the day we get to meet our baby.

Please pray for us. I have to continue to go in for blood tests every few days for a while to make sure my hormone levels are decreasing.

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6